Combing or Coming Through?

Updated: Nov 16, 2020

I'm sitting here at midnight on november fourteenth twenty twenty. Keep in mind this is New Zealand, so i'm a day ahead of most people reading this. Several things have happened in the last two weeks. Working on trying not to get anxious, depressed or curiously wondering what it would be like to walk into oncoming traffic. I'm considered a millennial, so some people would either freak out at the latter or just shrug it off.

What does not spark joy, would be one of the questions i kept asking in this two week span. I mean for gods sakes we yeeted the suspicious orange out of the white house via the election. But more so, what personally did not spark joy. I knew of things that were sparking joy, making me want to wake up the next day.

You may know me under several hats. An annoying brat who gets in everyone's hair when a dramatic fight's going on in second life - i'm usually on facebook defending one or more people I probably barely know. Yea, I uh - got entangled in a mess I never intended to get involved in and I paid, and am paying a price for it. You lay with racists, you sort of exude their energy and become their pawn after a while.

Yet i'm also a now former Second Life clothing designer, and a former owner/manager of a hangout/small club.

What did not spark, what did not strike that match unfortunately was my clothing line and the monetary gain and loss (or lack thereof) that was paining me with it. We had a homestead, well at this writing we still do - but we had a homestead. We had a place I could rez and test items - I didn't make my own mesh, so i'd have to inspect things one by one to see what worked. Upload costs, dead events, sales weekends going flat - nobody actually knowing my brand outside of either of those...

Feeling like i was trapped...

I was ready to throw in the towel several times.

What doesn't spark joy should be removed. It doesn't mean that i need to remove it and sew up a wound. It means that i close old chapters, write some new ones.

Kieran Stephens Designs was a section of my real life identity. I'm Kieran Somerville and i'm your host today on WHAT NOT TO DO IN SECOND LIFE! (Kidding that's for another blog post later.) I have a Bachelor's degree in Communication Design majoring in Illustration and Graphic design. I went into SL thinking this was a big deal, and put it all in my profile - and I shit you not - nobody cares. Which is probably for the better considering the laws of everything I learned in my three year degree get thrown out the window in SL.

Anyways. This degree of mine, needs to consistently be validated by the creativity inside me and the reason I got it. Mesh templates, barely scratching the surface on how to make mesh or do makeup or tattoos - feeling like I'm not good enough. It wasn't doing what I needed to do. I have a degree, i've worked with 3d design - I Should by rights stop making excuses and learn to do 3d design.

Instead i'm going to make tonight's excuse of, my bard is too sexy for that and i'm on some form of in SL creativity hiatus except for this new blog venture until things are better. My store wasn't making money, and my mother was fishing out RL money to pay for the homestead.

When you're in the Red... and you aren't talking the Tea Party, the Trump Party, the communist parties or just the red shirts on Star Trek - it's a business move to either try and inject more cash in to bring it back in the black, or cut your losses and move on.

Cutting your losses isn't always the adult thing to do. But with this time it was.

Kieran Stephens Designs as a BRAND identity is on hiatus, but as a clothing shop i'm done. Until i can learn to do my own mesh, and do skins/makeup or both or whatever - I am done being tied to templates. I have a degree, and I got a B/B+ average. I should know better than shy away from difficult things like Mesh and other things.

So as I finish off my first rant worthy, maybe incoherent blog post - I welcome you to the exploration of a new Era of me. Trying to blog my ass through SL and teach some things on the way through. There MAY be one or two vlog/tutorials on the way in, but i am determined to use my platform to help people and fight for causes.

Two things: If you're transphobic or homophobic, GTFO off my blog and jump onto mars with an astronaut suit and survive in your own colony of like minded people. <_< No death involved, just exist somewhere else lol.

And with that i leave you with the recent screenshot from my new obsession FFXIV, where I am now a level 58 bard.

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New Zealand